Just One of Those Days

I'm sure we've all had days like this. I have a lot of them. Maybe I'm just pessimistic, I don't know. I just get severely pissed off and irritable all the time. And it always happens on those days where everything fucks up. Example: You set the alarm, sleep through it and wake up incredibly late. Your hair decides to be a douche bag and can't be tamed. You bump your elbow on door frames as you pass through. You stub your toe on the fucking bed frame as you make the bed. Since you're in a hurry, you figure you'll grab something quick for breakfast, like a pop tart. As you look in the kitchen cabinet, you realize one of the douche bags you live with had finished off the pop tarts and left the empty box in the damn cabinet. Cursing under your breath the whole time, you make your way to the fridge to grab a coke or something quick to take with you. You grab your keys, run out, lock up and head to your car. On this particular day, some fucking idiot parked two inches from your car so you have to take extra time squeezing in between the two vehicles, your body bending in ways you never thought possible. Once you're in the car, you open your coke for a quick sip and of course, the fucking fizz splashes all over your car and outfit. Your seat belt gets jammed and takes longer than usual to put on. Now here comes the fun part of the day...
As you drive to work, of course, since you're late, you get stuck behind every single handicapped person, geriatric fuck, everyone else who drives 10mph under the speed limit and swerves occasionally on the road, and you hit every red light.
Once you arrive at work, you realize everyone took all of the close parking spots, so you park all the way out in BFE and walk, tripping on absolutely nothing as you do so, looking like a douche bag. When you finally arrive to work, they inform you that it is your day off, that you come in tomorrow. And it is at that moment that you mumble "Fuck my life" and proceed to leave and go home.