I keep telling myself "I will never live in an apartment again!", yet I find myself living in one at the moment. I can't stand it. I always get stuck by some fucking douche bags who make my apartment life a living hell. Thank God I don't have any neighbors who share walls, but I do have a group of heathens living below me. Let me tell you a little bit about them. Just about every morning at the crack of dawn, they blare wild music from their stereo with heavy bass that vibrates up the wall and wakes me up. You see, in this apartment complex, the living room and one of the bedrooms share a wall. So when these fucking idiots blast music in their living room, it travels up said wall and I can hear it clearly. Also, they have kids who are more like untrained monkeys wreaking havoc. They scream loudly as they play in the backyard that is right outside of my bedroom window. They blow on fucking kazoos almost every day. I guess they have contests to see who can blow on one the longest. I wish one of them would just pass out and scare the other kids from blowing on any kazoo for the rest of their lives.
These kids bounce balls against the apartment building, that's right, the part that is my bedroom. Their parents argue and slam things around downstairs. The "man of the house" likes to go out to his car, pop the trunk and blare ridiculous music with bass so heavy that I kid you not, our apartment walls and floor vibrate and it wakes my kid up. I have asked them to turn it down, yet they continue to do all of this. They have a baby that screams more than any baby I've ever met. I'm not talking about crying, I'm talking screaming. It can't be older than a few months, but damn, it has some lungs on it.
You see, I know that I have people living below me, so when I first moved in, I tried to walk as quietly as I could, I kept things at a reasonable volume and made sure my kid knew not to make too much noise but now I don't even care. Fuck it. I blare movies at 2am, laugh wildly at the top of my lungs about nothing late at night. I walk as hard as possible around the apartment, and I make sure my car lights are on when I pull up to the building [since their bedroom window faces the parking lot], and sit in my car for a second, lights shining into their bedroom window.
I've been so close to opening my window and yelling "SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!" so many times. Even to the kids. ALL hours of the night and day I have to listen to heavy bass, loud music, doors slamming, kazoos blowing, balls bouncing, etc. Now it's time for a little revenge. Any ideas? :]
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Welcome to Deli Hell
Never again will I work in a food-related business. Never. I can't stand the employees who get God complexes just because they're manager, assistant manager, or shift leader of a fast food business. I can't stand the picky, whiny, indecisive customers. I can't stand the way your clothes and hair smell when you get home after work.
Let me tell you a little bit about my personal experiences in working in a food-related business. I shall call this place Deli Hell. All names of the employees will be changed to protect the fucking stupid!
First off, you're forced to wear the ugliest uniforms known to mankind. As soon as you try on said uniform, you look in the mirror and mumble "Fuck my life" and hope to God no one that you know comes in while you're working. Next, you're introduced to the staff, who all seem nice enough, right? I mean...they're smiling. Then you find out why they're smiling. Since you're the new person, you've been secretly voted "slave" of the company. Everyone takes advantage of you and makes you do everything and insist that you "need to learn". They'll do this for days, even if you learn everything in 5 minutes. I mean, how long could it take someone to learn how to prep vegetables and do your end-of-shift cleaning? I learned extremely quick but I decided to secretly play dumb and milk the whole "new person" thing for what it was worth. Meaning, every time someone told me to do something, instead of their lazy asses doing it themselves, I'd pretend like I didn't know how, ask a million questions, ask them to show me how, etc.
I sat back sometimes and watched how friendly everyone was to one another, then noticed as soon as someone clocked out and went home, the others talked shit about that person and whined and bitched about something that person said or did. I decided it'd be best to keep my mouth shut when it came to the other employees. I trusted these people as far as I could throw them, which would never happen because I'd never be able to pick any of them up, considering how oddly obese they all were, even though they worked at a "healthy" deli fast food place.
Then comes the customers...you have snotty ass people come in, their noses so high in the air you think their necks will snap any second, over sized sun glasses perched atop their fried, unnatural colored hair. These people snap their orders at you and obsess over everything. "That bread's too flat. That bread's too fluffy. Those tomatoes are too ripe. That's not enough lettuce. I want three shakes of salt, one line of mayonnaise." Sometimes I just wanted to smile and tell them to fuck off, then take off my uniform and quit, like in the movies. But I stuck with it and made the fake bitches' sandwiches.
Then you have these mousy people who whisper their fucking orders. HELLO!? We have the radio going over the restaurant's speakers, and a handful of machines that hum and buzz behind me, not to mention, you're standing behind a glass sneeze guard. These people irritate me the most. Why? Because I HATE repeating myself. So after I repeatedly ask them what kind of bread or sandwich they want, and after I continually ask "What was that?" THEY have the nerve to get an attitude at me. Look, if you don't want to repeat yourself and you don't want me asking you "What was that?" a million times, talk at a reasonable fucking volume!
Now, back to the employees. Let me just tell you a little bit about each employee. You have the manager, Kathy, who was a couple years younger than me and really overweight. One of those people that think their shit don't stink, you know? One of the biggest liars I've met and a horrible one at that. I have a sixth sense...it lets me know when someone's giving me a bunch of bull. My radar was always sky high around her.
Then there's the assistant manager, Shelly. She looked like a crack whore bumpkin. Literally. Cricket teeth and everything. A bit of a bitch, too. She MIGHT have been younger than me, but if she was, she didn't show it. Could've been that she actually was older than me, or it could've been all those drugs she probably does.
Next we have a girl we'll name Dina. She was 8 months pregnant, but you can tell she was naturally fat before the pregnancy. Another cracked out bumpkin.
Then there was Steph, she was shift leader most of the times I worked. My impression of her: stuck up, fake, two-faced, moody, bitchy, etc. She REALLY let the whole "Shift Leader" thing get to her head. She was my age.
Now, all of these employees were THE most uneducated people I had ever met in my life. I felt like I was losing IQ points just by working around them. Most of them had been employed there for years. That's nice and all, but um...who honestly wants to make a career out of working at Deli Hell? I guess uneducated country bumpkins who never saw the inside of too many class rooms and who probably wouldn't know a High School Diploma or text book if one of them slapped them in the face.
I remember one conversation clearly. I was prepping some vegetables while fat ass Dina and bitchy Steph talked about how much they loved porn. I simply said "That's so degrading to women." and they looked at me and Dina asked "What's that mean?" And you see, I have an extraordinary vocabulary, but when it comes to explaining the meanings of some of those words, I'm at a loss. Not that it would've mattered to these idiots. I tried to put it in the simplest way I could. So I said "You know in school if you get an A, that's good? Well let's say the teacher decided to take your grade down to an F. That'd be bad...it'd be DEGRADING." Dina and Steph looked at me, looked at each other, then Dina said "But porn's rated R." [insert record scratching noise] Ok, what!?! First off...porn is NOT rated R! You dumb fucking bitch! Secondly, that has NOTHING to do with what I said! Ugh, I gave up and went back to my work.
This was the worst job I had ever had. I'd love to go on but this post is getting extremely long. I might post more later in a post titled, "Welcome to Deli Hell 2", fitting, huh? :]
Let me tell you a little bit about my personal experiences in working in a food-related business. I shall call this place Deli Hell. All names of the employees will be changed to protect the fucking stupid!
First off, you're forced to wear the ugliest uniforms known to mankind. As soon as you try on said uniform, you look in the mirror and mumble "Fuck my life" and hope to God no one that you know comes in while you're working. Next, you're introduced to the staff, who all seem nice enough, right? I mean...they're smiling. Then you find out why they're smiling. Since you're the new person, you've been secretly voted "slave" of the company. Everyone takes advantage of you and makes you do everything and insist that you "need to learn". They'll do this for days, even if you learn everything in 5 minutes. I mean, how long could it take someone to learn how to prep vegetables and do your end-of-shift cleaning? I learned extremely quick but I decided to secretly play dumb and milk the whole "new person" thing for what it was worth. Meaning, every time someone told me to do something, instead of their lazy asses doing it themselves, I'd pretend like I didn't know how, ask a million questions, ask them to show me how, etc.
I sat back sometimes and watched how friendly everyone was to one another, then noticed as soon as someone clocked out and went home, the others talked shit about that person and whined and bitched about something that person said or did. I decided it'd be best to keep my mouth shut when it came to the other employees. I trusted these people as far as I could throw them, which would never happen because I'd never be able to pick any of them up, considering how oddly obese they all were, even though they worked at a "healthy" deli fast food place.
Then comes the customers...you have snotty ass people come in, their noses so high in the air you think their necks will snap any second, over sized sun glasses perched atop their fried, unnatural colored hair. These people snap their orders at you and obsess over everything. "That bread's too flat. That bread's too fluffy. Those tomatoes are too ripe. That's not enough lettuce. I want three shakes of salt, one line of mayonnaise." Sometimes I just wanted to smile and tell them to fuck off, then take off my uniform and quit, like in the movies. But I stuck with it and made the fake bitches' sandwiches.
Then you have these mousy people who whisper their fucking orders. HELLO!? We have the radio going over the restaurant's speakers, and a handful of machines that hum and buzz behind me, not to mention, you're standing behind a glass sneeze guard. These people irritate me the most. Why? Because I HATE repeating myself. So after I repeatedly ask them what kind of bread or sandwich they want, and after I continually ask "What was that?" THEY have the nerve to get an attitude at me. Look, if you don't want to repeat yourself and you don't want me asking you "What was that?" a million times, talk at a reasonable fucking volume!
Now, back to the employees. Let me just tell you a little bit about each employee. You have the manager, Kathy, who was a couple years younger than me and really overweight. One of those people that think their shit don't stink, you know? One of the biggest liars I've met and a horrible one at that. I have a sixth sense...it lets me know when someone's giving me a bunch of bull. My radar was always sky high around her.
Then there's the assistant manager, Shelly. She looked like a crack whore bumpkin. Literally. Cricket teeth and everything. A bit of a bitch, too. She MIGHT have been younger than me, but if she was, she didn't show it. Could've been that she actually was older than me, or it could've been all those drugs she probably does.
Next we have a girl we'll name Dina. She was 8 months pregnant, but you can tell she was naturally fat before the pregnancy. Another cracked out bumpkin.
Then there was Steph, she was shift leader most of the times I worked. My impression of her: stuck up, fake, two-faced, moody, bitchy, etc. She REALLY let the whole "Shift Leader" thing get to her head. She was my age.
Now, all of these employees were THE most uneducated people I had ever met in my life. I felt like I was losing IQ points just by working around them. Most of them had been employed there for years. That's nice and all, but um...who honestly wants to make a career out of working at Deli Hell? I guess uneducated country bumpkins who never saw the inside of too many class rooms and who probably wouldn't know a High School Diploma or text book if one of them slapped them in the face.
I remember one conversation clearly. I was prepping some vegetables while fat ass Dina and bitchy Steph talked about how much they loved porn. I simply said "That's so degrading to women." and they looked at me and Dina asked "What's that mean?" And you see, I have an extraordinary vocabulary, but when it comes to explaining the meanings of some of those words, I'm at a loss. Not that it would've mattered to these idiots. I tried to put it in the simplest way I could. So I said "You know in school if you get an A, that's good? Well let's say the teacher decided to take your grade down to an F. That'd be bad...it'd be DEGRADING." Dina and Steph looked at me, looked at each other, then Dina said "But porn's rated R." [insert record scratching noise] Ok, what!?! First off...porn is NOT rated R! You dumb fucking bitch! Secondly, that has NOTHING to do with what I said! Ugh, I gave up and went back to my work.
This was the worst job I had ever had. I'd love to go on but this post is getting extremely long. I might post more later in a post titled, "Welcome to Deli Hell 2", fitting, huh? :]
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Driving Lessons 101
1. Forget all about those things called turn signals; everyone loves it when you keep them guessing.
2. So much excitement comes from merely tapping on the brake pedal repeatedly for no apparent fucking reason. Ignore the angry faces of those behind you, they haven't discovered the joys of brake tapping yet.
3. When it comes to using your brights, go ahead and use them whenever you feel it's necessary, even if there are cars up ahead of you.
4. Hands? Who said you need to drive with your hands? That's so 2008! Everyone drives with their knees nowadays.
5. Speed limit signs are only suggestions. No one really expects you to follow them.
6. Stop signs are only for decoration. They're placed to simply add "pop" to a neighborhood so feel free to blow right through them, even if small children are at play.
7. Cell phones were made so that you could talk on them while you drive. DUH!
Is this what the new driving instructors are teaching their students? Sure seems like it. Fucking idiots.
If I were in charge of all of this, you would NOT be allowed to get your license until you were 19 years of age. There's no way in hell a 16 year old is mature enough to drive without adult supervision.
I'd also make it so that you'd have to retake the actual driving test every 5 years until you hit 65, then it'd just automatically be revoked.
I'd make the driving test like an amusement ride, with a sign saying "You must be THIS tall to drive." Anyone under a certain height wouldn't be allowed to drive. Why the hell do they even give tests to people who can't see over the fucking steering wheel?
I guess all of you ignorant, stupid ass drivers should be lucky I'm not president.
2. So much excitement comes from merely tapping on the brake pedal repeatedly for no apparent fucking reason. Ignore the angry faces of those behind you, they haven't discovered the joys of brake tapping yet.
3. When it comes to using your brights, go ahead and use them whenever you feel it's necessary, even if there are cars up ahead of you.
4. Hands? Who said you need to drive with your hands? That's so 2008! Everyone drives with their knees nowadays.
5. Speed limit signs are only suggestions. No one really expects you to follow them.
6. Stop signs are only for decoration. They're placed to simply add "pop" to a neighborhood so feel free to blow right through them, even if small children are at play.
7. Cell phones were made so that you could talk on them while you drive. DUH!
Is this what the new driving instructors are teaching their students? Sure seems like it. Fucking idiots.
If I were in charge of all of this, you would NOT be allowed to get your license until you were 19 years of age. There's no way in hell a 16 year old is mature enough to drive without adult supervision.
I'd also make it so that you'd have to retake the actual driving test every 5 years until you hit 65, then it'd just automatically be revoked.
I'd make the driving test like an amusement ride, with a sign saying "You must be THIS tall to drive." Anyone under a certain height wouldn't be allowed to drive. Why the hell do they even give tests to people who can't see over the fucking steering wheel?
I guess all of you ignorant, stupid ass drivers should be lucky I'm not president.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)