Driving Lessons 101

1. Forget all about those things called turn signals; everyone loves it when you keep them guessing.
2. So much excitement comes from merely tapping on the brake pedal repeatedly for no apparent fucking reason. Ignore the angry faces of those behind you, they haven't discovered the joys of brake tapping yet.
3. When it comes to using your brights, go ahead and use them whenever you feel it's necessary, even if there are cars up ahead of you.
4. Hands? Who said you need to drive with your hands? That's so 2008! Everyone drives with their knees nowadays.
5. Speed limit signs are only suggestions. No one really expects you to follow them.
6. Stop signs are only for decoration. They're placed to simply add "pop" to a neighborhood so feel free to blow right through them, even if small children are at play.
7. Cell phones were made so that you could talk on them while you drive. DUH!

Is this what the new driving instructors are teaching their students? Sure seems like it. Fucking idiots.
If I were in charge of all of this, you would NOT be allowed to get your license until you were 19 years of age. There's no way in hell a 16 year old is mature enough to drive without adult supervision.
I'd also make it so that you'd have to retake the actual driving test every 5 years until you hit 65, then it'd just automatically be revoked.
I'd make the driving test like an amusement ride, with a sign saying "You must be THIS tall to drive." Anyone under a certain height wouldn't be allowed to drive. Why the hell do they even give tests to people who can't see over the fucking steering wheel?
I guess all of you ignorant, stupid ass drivers should be lucky I'm not president.